For nearly four years, I’ve been trying to put this mental health campaign together. I’d have so many great ideas. Days on end were dedicated to my idea of perfection, then scratched when I thought it wasn’t enough. Things kept coming up “delaying” the launch and I would find a way to rationalize every time. I’d say, “I’m busy with work when things slow down and when I get back into my routine again I’ll launch.” I saw myself as someone who had mastered the craft of the routine that I was going to present to the world. Little did I know, things were about to be turned upside down….again.
In the fall of 2019, something truly devastating and terrifying happened. It changed everything. I got overexerted to the point that I could not fulfill my crucial daily routines and practices. There was not enough time in the day for proper hydration or nutrition, both crucial for my medication levels. I was stretched so thin and over-exhausted that my organs began to physically shut down. I was in constant, intense physical pain. Anything I consumed gave me sharp abdominal pain. When I tried to speak with people, I couldn’t get proper sentences out and my mind felt completely clogged. What someone could explain in 30 seconds took me two minutes.
It got to the point where I not stand up without feeling like I was going to faint. My body was so weak and had such low energy I could not walk up the hill to my apartment. My heart and lungs could no longer keep up with one another. I had lost about 12 pounds and none of my clothes fit anymore. There was no longer color beneath my eyes and they were sunken in. At the end of September, I could not go to sleep because my breathing became suppressed. It was so severe that I kept thinking to myself, “Please God just let me wake up in the morning.” It turned out that from over exertion, lack of sleep and dehydration toxins were starting to build up in my organs. The diagnosis was mild lithium toxicity, and if it continued for another week I was at risk of a coma, or worse it could have been fatal. The scariest part? I was so focused on trying to make my accomplishments perfect that I didn’t noticed what was going on…until it was too late. I was convinced I was just tired, so I didn’t immediately think to disclose it to anybody. I also didn’t know how to tell anyone without everyone worrying. Enough people were worried about me during my first diagnosis and I didn’t want to deal with it again.
This health crisis caused me to be off the grid for 4 months. I was no longer able to work anywhere due to the damages. I saw friends sparingly, but I wanted to be out of everyone’s way, I saw myself as a nuisance. The self loathing was unbearable. My organs took several months to fully heal. Most importantly, I can finally think clearly again.
How did I heal? Well, I started with the most basic routines as possible. I made a rough schedule of what I would accomplish within specific time frames. Each day I began with something as simple as keeping my room in order. Because with order comes clear and organized thinking. I set reminders for my medication, made sure to consume the correct amount of water and scheduled workouts at Studio 3.
The reason I’m sharing this story is that consistent daily habits, especially with a mental health disorder can save your life. If I had been able to keep up with my routines and put myself first, I would have saved myself a lot of pain. Sometimes we learn valuable life lessons, unfortunately it took a potentially life threatening situation to learn mine. Nothing is more important than your health and holistic living. There is no job or opportunity that can over shadow that.
This is why I want to take time during this pandemic to help other people. We may not be able to live the full life we desire right now, but I want everyone to know that even the smallest habits in our current situation will save everything. This includes something as simple as making your bed, creating a to do list for each day of the week, keeping your room in order and even meal prepping. And this website can help you maintain all of those things.
Right now there are so many things happening that are SO much bigger than us. So now is an opportunity to really step back, reflect and take the baby steps we can to be the best we can be. It is a very unusual situation, so let’s help each other out. Share your greatest recipes, your favorite routines or schedule virtual chats with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Now is your chance to use this time as an opportunity for something bigger than yourself.
Remember, we do not have control of everything, but we can control what we do with the hand dealt to us.
Stay beautiful and remember, #PUSHTHROUGH.